Updated: Jan 4
*Blog entry disclaimer: This is my personal opinion based off of personal observation and research.*
Hey Fresh family! I finally mustered up the courage to write this post. I even went back and forth about the title lol. It was between; "I'd Rather be U.G.L.Y (U, Gotta Love Ya): 5 Reasons why Women need to proactively focus on their character just as much as being sexy" and the one I chose. I thought it would be interesting to use the trendy acronym W.A.P to get your attention (especially coming from a church girl 🤣) and point out the fact that sexuality /the pursuit of sexiness especially coming from a woman has been a thing.
For decades, women have been taught that in order to have a certain lifestyle, work in certain arenas or get/keep a man, they had to maintain the (SS) societal standard of sexiness/beauty. At a young age, girls are often encouraged to ALWAYS look "beautiful" in order to be more likable by others (review the resources I found at the end of the post). With the introduction of technology and social media, the stress of women's appearance (single and married) and the need to be sexy has heightened.
[ In my own observation & research ] Men are often depicted in commercials only needing to have money, smell good and have a haircut in order to be successful in most relationships and in the workplace. For women, the push to be considerably sexy/beautiful from SS and wonder woman at home and work has caused an increased number of depression cases, the makeup industry now worth billions and IG models getting women to think they have to order a butt lift off of Amazon lol (But for real). Women often try to maintain beauty/sexiness all while trying to be a good friend, mate, employee and at times it takes a toll on a woman's spirit and character and it is tiresome!
As my best friend said is one of our recent conversations, " pretty privilege is a thing”. Deep right! Let’s chat alittle about this. This entry has pushed me to unlearn some things and re-examine a lot of things.
Below are two reasons I have suggested why women HAVE to balance having healthy perception of their character and appearance. To be real, shaping a genuine character as a woman should be a priority before "maintaining sexiness".
Reason 1 - Sexiness (from the angle of the pursuit of making sure one is always desirable by others to feel fulfilled) will only take you so far:
In other words, if a woman doesn't feel beautiful unless she is hearing she is “sexy” from someone else it is not fair to the woman’s personality and will only take them so far. Or if the talk of beauty only happens when she is dressed a certain way or talks a certain way, it often times subconsciously makes a woman feel like she has to always be in the state of mind to “level up” , have a “banging body” , “snap back” “queen in the streets, freak in the sheets” TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE. There has been too many incidents (especially in the entertainment industry) where women have done all of these things and STILL have gotten cheated on by their significant other. No woman can “keep“ a mate that doesn’t want to be kept. That is why it is so important for women to love themselves in a healthy way FIRST by asking themselves ”I am doing this for myself because it makes me feel good or am I doing this to make sure others approve of it?” Some women risk all of their peace trying to keep up with the Joneses. If not careful, they could lose themselves in an unrealistic version of who they really are. Vanity fades but virtue is forever.
If a woman’s body changes, that doesn’t mean they have “let go” of themselves. Sometimes LIFE JUST HAPPENS. Not many women have the same body they had when they were 18 and they shouldn’t have to feel like they to have to either.
Woman need to feel comfortable enough in every environment/ arena they are in so that they don’t feel like they have to be superwoman and a video vixen in one to live up to societal unrealistic standards of sexiness and beauty.
Not every 50 year old woman looks like Tyra Banks and that’s okay! Women should feel good about themselves first and then dress well in the manner they CHOSE to express themselves. The mind and wisdom of a genuine woman is the most beautiful thing.
Reason 2 - Women should be taken seriously outside of their appearance :
If a woman is educated and works hard that should be the first thing that speaks for a woman. Yet because the high emphasis on sex appeal & maintaining societal beauty standards, having a brain is put on the back burner. Women shouldn’t have to feel like in order to PROVE they love their bodies and have a voice, through showing all of their body. If it’s their choice, let it be their choice solely but not because it’s a trendy thing to do to get affirmation.
Imagine how many women have work so hard on their appearance to get ahead in work places but forgot to make sure to treat others with kindness and honesty. Theres nothing uglier than a woman whose attitude doesn’t match her face.
At the end of the day, through this blog post I hope women are encouraged to love themselves first and chose to polish their character and personality before seeking validation from looking sexy for others or upholding SS beauty standards.
Overall, I pray that those who have read this will know Authenticity is Attractive. If you are going to shop, shop with you in mind! Before you eat another salad to make someone else happy about your personal body goals, stop and remember how God sees you and loves you matters more. Until next time, Stay fresh!
( inspiring songs to check out called " (U, Gotta Love Ya) written by Chantae Cann - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGeao5f2O4Y )
“I TRY” by Doe - https://youtu.be/JGZhZYDnkE0
Helpful Resources on this topic: https://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report-summary.pdf